A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later…..”Da-ad….”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?”
“No, You had your chance. Lights out.”
Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…..”
“I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??”
I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!”
Five minutes later……”Daaaa-aaaad…..”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”
A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys? Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.” The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”
Once there was a great war between the beasts and the birds. Bat was on the birds’ side. In the first battle, the birds were badly beaten. As soon as Bat saw that the battle was going against them, he crept away, hid under a log, and stayed there until the fight was over.
When the animals were going home. Bat slipped in among them.
After they had gone some distance, they saw him and asked one another: “How is this? Bat is one of those that fought against us!”
Bat heard them and he said: “Oh, no! I am one of you; I don’t belong to the bird people. Did you ever see one of those people who had teeth and hair? You can say that I belong to the bird people, but I don’t; I am one of your own people.”
They didn’t say anything more; they let Bat stay with them.
Soon after, there was another battle; in that battle birds won. As Bat’s side was getting beaten, he slipped away and hid under a log. When the battle was over and birds were going home, Bat went in among them.
When they noticed him, they said: “You are our enemy; we saw you fighting against us.”
“Oh, no,” said Bat, “I am one of you; I don’t belong to those beasts. Did you ever see one of those people who had wings?”
They didn’t say anything more; they let him stay with them.
So Bat went back and forth as long as the war lasted. At the end of the war, birds and beasts held a council to see what to do with him. At last they said to Bat, “From now on, you will fly around alone at night, and you will never have any friends, either among those that fly, or those that walk.”
Invisible One Story
There was once a large Indian village situated on the border of a lake. At the edge of the village was a lodge, in which dwelt a being who was always invisible. He had a sister who attended to his wants, and it was known that any girl who could see him might marry him. Nearly all the girls in the village made an attempt.
Towards evening, when the Invisible One was supposed to be returning home, his sister would walk with any girls who came down to the shore of the lake. She could see her brother, since to her he was always visible, and upon seeing him she would say to her companions, “Do you see my brother?” And they would mostly answer, “Yes.”
And then the sister would say, “Of what is his shoulder-strap made?” But sometimes she would inquire other things, such as, “With what does he draw his sled?” And they would reply, “A strip of rawhide,” or “A green withe,” or something of the kind. And then she, knowing they had not told the truth, would reply quietly, “Very well, let us return to the wigwam!”
As they entered the place she would bid them not to take a certain seat, for it was his. After they had helped to cook the supper they would wait with great curiosity to see him eat. They saw proof that he was a real person, for as he took off his moccasins they became visible, and his sister hung them up; but beyond this they beheld nothing not even when they remained all night, as many did.
There dwelt in the village an old man, a widower, with three daughters. The youngest of these was very small, weak, and often ill. Her sorry condition did not prevent her sisters, especially the eldest, from treating her with great cruelty. The second daughter was kinder, and sometimes did not bother the poor abused little girl, but the oldest would burn the youngest’s hands and face with hot coals; yes, her whole body was scarred with marks made by torture, so that people called her the rough-faced girl. And when her father, coming home, asked how it was that the child was so disfigured, her sister would promptly say that it was the fault of the young girl herself, because having been forbidden to go near the fire, she had disobeyed and fallen in.
Now it came to pass that it entered the heads of the two elder sisters of this poor girl that they would go and try their fortune at seeing the Invisible One. So they clad themselves in their finest and strove to look their fairest. They found the Invisible One’s sister at home and so walked down to the water with her.
Then when He came, being asked if they saw him, they said, “Certainly,” and also replied to the question of the shoulder-strap or sled cord, “A piece of rawhide.” In saying which, they lied, like the rest, for they had seen nothing, and got nothing for their pains.
When their father returned home the next evening, he brought with him many of the pretty little shells from which wampum was made, and they were soon busy stringing them.
That day poor little burnt-faced girl, who had always run barefoot, got a pair of her father’s old moccasins and put them into water that they might become flexible to wear. And begging her sisters for a few wampum shells, the eldest just called her “a lying little pest,” but the other gave her a few. And having no clothes beyond a few rags, the poor creature went into the woods and got a few sheets of birch bark, of which she made a dress, putting some figures on the bark. She also made a cap, leggings, and handkerchief. Having put on her father’s great old moccasins, which came nearly up to her knees, she went forth to try her luck. For even this little thing would try to see the Invisible One in the great wigwam at the edge of the village.
She had to overcome one long storm of ridicule and hisses, yells and hoots, from her own door to that of the Invisible One. Her sisters tried to shame her, and told her to stay home, but she would not obey; and all the idlers, seeing this strange little creature in her odd clothes, cried, “Shame!” But she went on, for she was greatly resolved; it may be that some spirit inspired her.
Now this poor small wretch in her mad attire, with her hair singed off and her little face as full of burns and scars as there are holes in a sieve, was most kindly received by the sister of the Invisible One. His sister was very noble and knew more than the mere outside of things as the world knows them. And as the brown of the evening sky became black, she took her down to the lake. And soon the girls knew that He had come.
Then the sister said, “Do you see him?” And the other replied in awe, “Truly I do, and He is wonderful.”
“And what is his sled string?” “It is,” she replied, “the Rainbow.” And great fear was on her.
“But, my sister,” said the other, “what is his bow-string?” “His bow-string is the Milky Way.”, she responded.
“You have truly seen him,” said the sister. And, taking the girl home, she bathed her. As she washed, all the scars disappeared from face and body. Her hair grew again; it was very long, and like a blackbird’s wing. Her eyes were like stars. In all the world there was no such beauty. Then from her treasures she gave her a wedding garment, and adorned her. Under the comb, as she combed her, her hair grew. It was a great marvel to behold.
Then, having done this, she told her to take the wife’s seat in the wigwam, that by which her brother sat, the seat next to the door. And when He entered, terrible and beautiful, he smiled and said, “So we are found out!”
“Yes,” was her reply. So she became his wife.
The Fisherman and the Bear
A Maine Tall Tale
One fine day an old Maine man was fishing and fishing on his favorite lake and catching nary a thing. Finally, he gave up and walked back along the shore to his fishing shack. When he got close to the front door, he saw it was open. Being of a suspicious nature, he walked to the door quietly and looked inside. There was a big black bear. It was just pulling the cork out of his molasses jug with its teeth. The molasses spilled all over the floor and the bear rubbed his paw in it, smearing it all over.
Well, the old man was not the timid sort. He went to the back of the shack, put his head in the window and gave a loud yell. The bear jumped and ran out the door. It was running strangely. The old man saw that the bear was holding up the foot covered with molasses so it wouldn’t get dirty.
The bear ran to the lake shore. Standing on its hind legs, it held up the paw full of molasses. Soon all the flies and bugs and mosquitoes were swarming all over the sticky sweet paw. Then the bear waded into the water with his sticky paw full of bugs. It held the paw out over the water. Suddenly, a big trout came jumping out of the water trying to get to the flies. The bear gave it a swat and it flew to the shore and flopped there. Then another fish jumped into the air after the flies, followed swiftly by another. Every time a fish jumped after his paw, the bear cuffed it ashore. Soon it had a large pile.
Finally, the bear decided he had enough fish and waded to shore. The bear had caught a mess of fish any fisherman would envy. The old man had caught nothing. He watched that bear eat half a dozen trout, his stomach rumbling. All he had for dinner was some bread and what was left of the molasses. Finally the bear paused in his eating, and looked over to the bushes where the old man was hidden. The bear stood up and laid the remaining fish in a row. Then it walked away up the shore. It kept looking back at the bushes where the old man stood.
The old man crept out of the bushes and down to the shore. Sure enough, the bear had left six large trout for him. He looked over at the bear. It was standing at the edge of the wood watching. “Thanks a lot,” the old man called to the bear. The bear waved the now-clean paw at the old man and disappeared into the thicket. “Well,” said the old man, “That’s the first time a bear has ever paid me for my molasses.”
The old man never hunted bears again.
One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out a way to get him out. Finally he decided it was probably impossible and the animal was old and the well was dry anyway, so it just wasn’t worth it to try and retrieve the donkey. So the farmer asked his neighbours to come over and help him cover up the well. They all grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, when the donkey realized what was happening he cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement, he quieted down and let out some happy brays. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well to see what was happening and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was shaking it off and taking a step up.
As the farmer’s neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he continued to shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, to everyone’s amazement, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.
Will and Guy consider that the moral of this tale is: Life is going to shovel dirt on you. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Through applying wisdom every adversity can be turned into a stepping stone. The way to get out of the deepest well is by never giving up but by shaking yourself off and taking a step up.
The moral is what happens to you isn’t nearly as important as how you react to it.
One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. ‘I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.’ The old woman smiled, ‘Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side?
That’s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.’ ‘For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.’ Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.’
Each of us has our own unique flaw…
But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You’ve just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.
To all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers, on your side of the path. Take the time to absorb this inspirational Chinese proverb.
Funny Story About the Cops ~ Positive IDA guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well.
But the cashier refused and said, “No, because I don’t believe you are over 21.”
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn’t believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely wins the Stupid Prize.